Online dating: A blast from my past

I was going back over old computer files.  I found this that I wrote six years ago, while living in the boonies.  The “governor” referred to is Mark Sanford–I guess that was going on a the time.  I am now married with two children, in large part because I wised up and moved out of the isolated rural area.

This is to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel’s Sounds of Silence.

Sounds of Online Dating, my new dear friend
Your algorithm ran again
You searched within a hundred miles of here
You turned up dudes who last logged in last year
My “Five Daily Matches” are all active in the NRA
But that’s OK
I’ll just keep sighing and hitting “not interested”

My inbox brought me yesterday
A married guy who wrote to say
He felt that I was his one soulmate
He’d make a great governor candidate
But hon, I’m not gonna hike down <em>that</em> Appalachian Trail
Filed under “FAIL”
I’ll just keep sighing and hitting “not interested”

So today’s fan mail–let’s see…
First dude is nice, but sixty-three
Number Two? His profile smiles at me
But he can’t relocate from Tennessee
And the third fella writes that he hasn’t done much time
Just petty crime
I think it’s time
to pick up polka.