Well, here we are on the other side of the country. Last week I finally got new car plates, which I guess breaks my last legal tie to my old home.
For the last two nights, I’ve had strange dreams.
In the first, I was in grad school again, awaiting my thesis defense. Which is a usual variant of a dream I have. Except this time–for the first time–my PhD was in my new field, not the original one that I did my PhD in. The work I was presenting was the work I had done post-PhD. And I felt OK about it. I woke up at 5 a.m., fell back asleep and re-entered the dream a few times. I just remember one of the series; I was in a dorm room–not one I recognize. A grad school classmate of mine named Jason walked in. I remember wondering how he could just walk into my dorm room and feeling somewhat powerless. His blonde girlfriend was with him and they started making out. My walls were decorated with loudly colorful photos of Hindu gods that I had gotten from the temple; I remembered putting them up not because I was religious, but because I had no wall art and I assumed nobody would ever visit me. Jason and his girlfriend started making out, which was in contrast with the traditional Hindu deities all around, and I felt quite uncomfortable.
Jason left. She asked me how it had been, balancing work and family. I felt old, and said it had been very, very hard. As I spoke she started crying and I recognized that she must be pregnant herself and worried. I held her and for some reason started crying too, but also wondering why I was crying. When I woke up we were crying together.
Then in last night’s dream, I was back in my childhood home. There was a tornado coming. I remember seeing the funnel cloud, which was a double funnel, then thinking back to whether in my waking life I had ever seen a real funnel cloud (I’m not sure; I saw many things I think might have been funnels). There was some sort of inspector visiting, as was my dad’s whole family. I can’t remember if my dad was there too. We all went into the basement with a weather radio and huddled there. The inspector was proud because by the time he got there we were all already in the basement. In the end I think the tornado missed us, and I woke up.
Our transition to the other end of the country has been okay. The place we live now is much more diverse than the ones we left. There are cultural activities for my kids within easy driving distance. The downside is that I have a lot more responsibility than I did at our old home. I see my husband much less…back in residency, he would have five or six bad rotations in a year where he arrived home very late; now it’s the same thing every day and it’s like a permanent bad rotation. I am tired almost all the time.