34 weeks

I have been living with gestational diabetes for a month now.  It feels like much longer.  I prick my finger 4x a day, eat 6x a day.  I have read that there is a 70% chance of my becoming Type II in the future.  I feel like my body is broken.  I am really tired of being pregnant.  I had a little hope in the corner of my heart that maybe we could someday have a third child, but this gestational diabetes decided for me–I can’t go through this again.

My pre-pregnancy BMI was 30, putting me just at “obese” on the chart.  I kept reading how obesity triples the risk for GD and feeling bad.   And then I read that GD happens to 5% of women, vs. 15% of obese women.  So 85% of obese women are fine.  My condition isn’t entirely my fault for being overweight; it also just has to do with genetics.  That makes me feel somewhat better.  I also recognize now that my insulin resistance might have been the reason it was so hard for me to lose weight.

I have maintained my weight since my diagnosis.  My fastings are on the edge of what is acceptable (I get some readings over 90) but because the rest of the numbers are okay, the baby’s measurements are okay (both size and head to abdomen ratio) are okay, and my weight gain is under control, the MFM doctor has decided not to put me on meds for now.

My fastings have slowly been coming down.

I had a terrible sinus infection and was put on the antibiotic Cefnidir for seven days.  Everything out there says not to take antibiotics for sinus infections, and I usually don’t, but this time I did.  I do think it helped and prevented the infection from getting much worse and spreading.

Four years ago I felt young.  I was single, I had no health issues, my parents were healthy and alive.  Now I am a mom of one, about to be a mom of two.  I have a serious health condition.  My dad is gone.  My mom is still under aggressive surveillance for recurrent cancer, and the cancer along with surgery, chemo, and radiation and widowhood have left her aged and frail.  My OBGYN records all say “elderly multigravida.”  I am approaching middle age if not already there.  I have a relative my age who just got ovarian cancer and has a poor prognosis.

Suddenly I feel fragile, and old, and frightened, and like there is disease, death, and a poisonous cloud of bad luck all around me.

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2 thoughts on “34 weeks

  1. sunrainlilies July 2, 2015 / 3:39 pm

    Hello M. Thanks for visiting, as always. 🙂

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