The bereavement counselor from hospice called to check up on me. Normally I recognize the number and don’t take her calls…I don’t have any privacy at work and anyway the one time I spoke to her (about two weeks after my dad died) I didn’t find it particularly useful.
This time she caught me, and I picked up. It was again a largely useless conversation, but one thing she asked was what I was doing for self-care. I said I journal (meaning, I write this blog). She said to keep doing it, and that I shouldn’t keep all my feelings bottled inside.I feel tired. Now that I have seen what old age and death are like, I am scared of the future. At 22w pregnant, I am tired and feel I have no energy to focus on my job or anything else, and I remember that last time postpartum was more difficult than pregnancy.We had another (the second) anatomy ultrasound today. This time they were able to see everything they needed to, and confirmed that all was well. Amusingly starting tomorrow they are charging $5 to text you your baby photos, so we lucked out and saved $5.