Lunch made me nervous

I had lunch today with two coworkers from China.

One was discussing her daughter, who at age 3 is enrolled in gymnastics, ice skating, swimming, etc. etc. and some kind of learning center.  Her dad has cancer and she has brought him here from China, gotten him seen at a mobile medical unit since he has no insurance here, consulted/used any number of her friends to get him free CT scans at the nearest major cancer center because in her opinion the local one (which we use) doesn’t have good enough equipment, and is trying to enroll him in an NIH clinical trial.  A few weeks ago, she was asking me a lot of questions about how I got a recent promotion–she wants my resume so she can do something similar to what I did.  She keeps talking about how she doesn’t have enough money and can’t afford to eat noodles at the cafeteria–I know she makes as much as I do and her husband makes much more than mine.

All of this made me feel sad.  These women were then discussing their life insurance and how our employer’s isn’t so great, and CostCo offers a much better plan.   These two women don’t know this, but I just cashed out my dad’s life insurance last week and he had the same plan from our employer that they were saying wasn’t good, and I just felt sad that my dad did something for me out of love and these ladies were saying it wasn’t good enough.

I haven’t enrolled my baby in any classes.  I didn’t find a clinical trial for my dad.  I don’t think constantly about how to get ahead in life.  It makes me nervous to see that other people are constantly scheming and planning, I guess.

After lunch, I just felt inadequate, and sad.


2 thoughts on “Lunch made me nervous

  1. The Presents of Presence March 31, 2015 / 3:43 pm

    Grief takes time. No need for guilt for anything. Find peace within when you can. Allow sadness to be with you but do not allow it to consume you. You have a lot on your plate, but you are strong. Be well. ♥

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s