Dear Robin Williams

So yesterday I turned on the news, and saw that you had committed suicide.

These days, I dread waking up in the morning. My dad is dying a dog’s death from a brain tumor, my mom has cancer that could recur any time, and I have been living in this hell for almost two years now.   For the last three weeks, I have been sick myself and watched my parents suffer without being able to help.  The only end I can see to this horrible situation is that my father will die, which means that he is released from his suffering and I from watching him suffer–and then there will be years of grief, and the rest of my life without him.

Life is such a fragile thing, and so precious.

My parents aren’t wealthy and famous like you were, but my mom fights every day, for one more breath for my father. I too would give anything to bring his mind and health back for another few years. Anything.

I feel empathy and compassion for the depression and isolation you must have gone through. Things must be bad when you decide the pain of ending it all is worse than the pain of going on.  And people will say that severe depression is a sickness, it’s a chemical imbalance, etc., and I have no doubt that they are right.

But I have to admit that I alternate between feeling bad for you, and wishing that there were some process by which the life that healthy people abandon could be given to those who actually value it, and fight for it, and want to live.

Maybe you wished that too.

 

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5 thoughts on “Dear Robin Williams

  1. The Presents of Presence August 12, 2014 / 5:10 pm

    I can understand your frustration ~ I’m so sorry you are enduring so much in your life. I will keep you in my prayers. Are you getting any help or support?

  2. sunrainlilies August 12, 2014 / 6:20 pm

    Thanks misifusa. Alas, no help and no support. We had family visit last weekend, but it was only for a day. My mom has a friend who comes by on alternate Thursdays. So I just continue on and release the frustration in my writing. Not sure where to turn. 😦 Thank you for the prayers.

    • The Presents of Presence August 15, 2014 / 12:59 am

      I will keep sending you strength, love and healing and I pray for help to come soon. ♥

  3. Jm August 12, 2014 / 9:56 pm

    I understand what you are going through unfortunately far too well. My father had the same cancer as your father. It is awful. If you ever want to vent, Please feel free to email me privately. So sorry for what you are going through.

    • sunrainlilies August 13, 2014 / 3:27 am

      Thank you, JM. I will drop you a line. Big hugs to you, and I am sorry to hear that you went through this too. ❤

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