This was a wonderful link. It’s true; as the months have gone on I’ve stopped doing as much for my mom. Part of it is that she pushes me away, and doesn’t like anyone doing anything for her. And it gets tiring always fighting that battle.
Part of that though is that I got pregnant and I want to focus on a little joy too, not just on cancer. As upset as I am, it’s hardly the baby’s fault that my mom is sick and that she is being born during a time of fear, uncertainty, and grief for me. I have to keep in mind that the baby is sharing my body and brain right now.
Here is a fascinating quote from the article:
Reflecting back, I think I subconsciously started staging my friends in the same way cancer is staged. A Stage I friend is the best you can get, checking in with you a lot, offering support, honest support and just bringing you things even when you say you are fine. A Stage II friend checks in periodically and is that one that you can go to when you’re feeling rotten and truly be honest with. A Stage III friend is on the periphery — they know what you’re dealing with, but they can’t handle it themselves, so they treat you uber-normally. They’re the friends you can go to when you want to feel normal, but you know they have no idea what you’re dealing with. A Stage IV friend is the worst, as they have basically just checked out since you told them you were sick.
I’d add one more category; people who are like I used to be and just have no idea whatsoever about cancer.